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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24371191">Recovery</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAWK/pseuds/DAWK'>DAWK</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Normal People - Sally Rooney, Normal People - TV Series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, F/M, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Sleep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:36:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24371191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAWK/pseuds/DAWK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Marianne watches Connell sleep over Skype, giving herself time to wonder how he ended up like this, and how she did too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connell Waldron/Marianne Sheridan, Marianne Sheridan/Connell Waldron</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Recovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This scene was one of the sweetest in my opinion, so of course I had to write something about it! I hope you enjoy and please leave kudos/comments, I'd love to hear your thoughts and any ideas you have about what I should write next! I've also written two other 'Normal People' stories, 'Still' and 'Unspoken' so please give those a read too, if you haven't already :) </p><p>Thank you!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Carry me over to your bed."</p><p>Connell nodded solemnly, resting his laptop on his desk chair that he then moved right next to his bed. Turning off the light and moving underneath the duvet, he checked that Marianne was still on the screen as he felt his eyelids becoming increasingly heavier. </p><p>"You'll be okay, Connell. Things will get better. I hope you know that."</p><p>"Mm, I suppose so." he felt himself unable to do anything other than mumble at this point, both from exhaustion and the unshakeable feeling in the pit of his stomach that depression was a part of him now, a part that would never truly go away.</p><p>"I mean it. You did a really brave thing, going to counselling today. You should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you." Marianne smiled weakly, feeling herself becoming tired but her stubborn nature refusing to let on. </p><p>"Thank you, Marianne. For everything...I know I'm not, that I haven't always been-"</p><p>"None of that matters now, you should sleep. Honestly, you look shattered." </p><p>"Yeah," Connell laughed, sliding his hand under his pillow and curling up in the fetal position, "Goodnight, Marianne."</p><p>"Night." Marianne whispered, turning her attention back to her notepad so Connell didn't feel she was watching him too intently.</p><p>***************</p><p>An hour or two had passed, Connell having fallen into a deep sleep for the first time in weeks. </p><p>Marianne rested her head on her hand as she looked at him through her laptop screen. He looked so peaceful; Marianne found herself unable to turn her attention to anything else. She thought about when she went to watch him play at the football match, how much she wanted to watch him have sex the entire time. This was different though; all she could see was Connell's face, something she had seen many a time over the years. And yet, she found herself endlessly fascinated.</p><p>Marianne had always thought that Connell had the most beautiful face she'd ever seen. This was still the case, as far as she was concerned - his long Roman nose, lips that seemed as though they were almost permanently pouting and the most electric blue eyes, topped off with a soft, curly mop of dark brown hair on top of his head. Connell shifted slightly in his sleep, a pained expression moving across his face as he did, soon disappearing as he got comfortable again.</p><p>Sighing as quietly as she could, Marianne got up and grabbed a cardigan to wrap around her, realising it was now the early hours of the morning in Sweden and she still had work to complete.</p><p>She'd had no idea about the depression, she wished she had. Connell had been grieving the loss of his friend, plus he was fairly quiet at the best of times. The last time they'd Skyped, he'd mentioned how Niall had told him about counselling and that he was going to try and give it a go. Marianne had encouraged this, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt that she hadn't been there to realise what was happening and to point him in the right direction herself. </p><p>Marianne worked quietly and slowly, turning her attention to the screen after each paragraph to check that Connell was still sleeping soundly. He looked so innocent, Marianne could hardly believe what he was going through as she stared at his closed eyes and listened to his gentle breathing. </p><p>Sweden had left Marianne feeling numb. The weather had been relentlessly cold and the idea of it being the making of her when she'd signed up had quickly subsided. In only a matter of weeks, Marianne felt like her schoolgirl self; she had no longing to talk to anyone but Connell but he was busy with his studies and, up until recently, his girlfriend. That had ended because, according to Connell, Helen 'wasn't very understanding', so when he had turned to her instead, Marianne couldn't help but feel a sense of pride that he felt comfortable enough to tell her how he was feeling. </p><p>Maybe this was her fault, she considered. </p><p>Ever since they reconnected in college, Connell had always been entirely content to spend his evenings alone with her, drinking wine, listening to music and just being in each other's company. It occurred to Marianne, as she kept a close eye on him throughout the night, that he'd never really done anything to indicate he'd ever wanted them to part. Connell seemed happy around her all the time, he just had difficulty expressing that. Marianne realised she had experienced things entirely differently; she'd always invite friends along to anything they'd planned to do together because it made her feel more distracted, something she found herself craving more and more as she got older. The more intimate the setting, the more Marianne discovered she'd do anything to get out of it, and she had no idea why. Perhaps her turbulent home life had rendered her incapable of enjoying anything remotely domesticated, she thought.</p><p>Other than the Debs fiasco and his desperation to keep their initial relationship secret, Connell had never treated her badly. He was more gentle with her than she'd imagined possible when she lost her virginity and, compared to the men she'd found herself in relationships with along the way, he seemed like an entirely perfect human being. This wasn't completely true of course, Marianne knew that. What she didn't know in that moment though, was why she'd ever thought she'd be happier without Connell than with him. Why she left for Sweden on a whim and thought about nothing other than being back with him, in her Dublin flat, making dinner and washing up and hiding away from every bit of unhappiness that life had ever dealt them both. </p><p>Marianne frowned as she considered how she couldn't stop her future self from making similar mistakes, as daylight peered in through the blinds in Connell's window and he began to stir. It wouldn't be too long until they were in the same town again, she hoped. Until then, she was satisfied watching over him through a screen, hoping he'd allow himself time to grieve and let her comfort him when he needed it.</p><p>Marianne stifled a yawn as she turned to proofread her essay, struggling to believe she'd actually stayed up all night. She chuckled to herself quietly, turning another page and rubbing her eyes in an attempt to make herself more alert.</p><p>Connell shuffled to the edge of the bed and looked at his screen. She was still there, of course she was. </p><p>"You're awake." he smiled.</p><p>Marianne jumped slightly as she turned to face her laptop screen. Connell stretched out and sighed deeply, his eyes seeming much more alive after eight hours sleep which is more than could be said for her. Marianne had forgotten she'd even left the sound on; he'd been almost entirely silent through the night and a sudden rush of panic moved through her in case she'd accidentally vocalised any of her midnight thoughts, thinking that no-one could hear them. </p><p>Marianne saw how calm he looked, even happy, in that moment. She'd spent so much of the past 24 hours convincing Connell that he was going to be okay, all the while worrying herself that without her being there to drag him out of bed and make him meals, he would fall apart and they would never find their way back together again. Marianne could see now, though, that he would be okay. They both would be. </p><p>Her face beamed in the dim light of her student flat as she said sweetly,</p><p>"Morning."</p>
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